After two years

Today, 2 years ago, Pocky flew to the rainbow bridge, taking a big piece of my heart that could never be recovered, refilled, back to its original shape with anything, anyone. I carve a pumpkin lantern for him every October. In 2013, 2014... and now. So sometimes, just counting from the pumpkin, it seems like he's been gone for 3 years instead of 2.

I know some of you are still mourning over your birds, or maybe a person, or even a precious collection of stamps, or something else. And to say you feel sad now, might not be completely right. Some might feel worthless, despicable, even loathe themselves more than anything.

Cry. Just cry the pain out. If you need to hug your bird's cage crying, do it. If you need to sleep with your bird's favorite toy, do it. When we lose someone special in our lives, the first few months will feel like hell. It's normal. I know you just want to hug him one once again, kiss him, tell him lots and lots things that won't stop coming in your head. I say, just keep talking to him. Talk to his photo, write a letter to him, tell him how much you miss him, how it's unbearable to spend a day without him.

If you like drawing, draw your feeling for him. If you like to knit, knit something for him. If you like to bake, bake a bread with his name initial. Make a tribute. Let him know how much you still think of him. When you are grieving, it's just about you and your special one. Others will never know what it means to lose him. So if some try to be a smart ass, just say Fuck you, or whatever, they deserve it.

It's true time will make us feel the pain less and less, but it's never completely gone. We could burst back into tears from 1 single memory, 1 song, 1 conversation or on the day of their death anniversary. We'll change. We might be tougher, bitter, wiser, whatever, but we'll never be the same old us again. How could we not change if our hearts' shape have? We have a big scar there now. Our hearts don't look perfect anymore but I say, the scar from losing someone's special is our statement of love. It's a proof of existence of that special one in our lives. It does hurt when we lose someone but I think none of us will choose to never have had him in the first place just because how he makes us feel so horrible when he's gone. All those sweet memories... how he touched our hearts so deep... he's worth the pain.

For those who have a friend/family that's grieving now. Stay around. If you are not sure what to stay, then don't. After all, it's your act that will speak louder than all the great words a writer can compose to say how sorry you are.

Your grieving friend is like a zombie with a super sensitive heart right now. But if you care, be there for her. If you live near by, bring food, help her clean the house. Make her feel less like shit for not being able to function normally and to avoid another problem that will make her suffer more, like her other pet gets sick from lacking of attention and daily care.

Anyone can type 3 words + emoticon or sympathy pic stolen from the internet. Anyone can just speak out their mind and doesn't give a second thought what impact the words have to a bleeding heart. But if you DO care, make time for your loved one who is grieving. Because time is the best precious gift one can give to another. In the eye of time, we are all equal. Whether one is rich or poor, a celebrity or a homeless, every person only has 24 hours a day. Please be mindful, understanding, patient... even if you feel like you are getting ignored, pushed away, or even stormed with sarcasm, be there. Weeks later, months later, or even years later, when the pain has gone down to a more manageable level, your grieving friend will remember who had been there when she was not her usual self.

Never ever be mean to someone who is grieving. You have NO idea what one feels inside. Thank you for reading this. And another thanks for keeping Pocky in your thought today... and more. :)

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